You'd be better off

C'mon. There seem to be two ways you guys find this blog. One is the rare person who is surfing the random tweets of everyone on Twitter. The other is someone Googling something about "alien sex," "fucking aliens" or, as happened this week, "sick alien sex." When we're sick, our sex is no better than your is when you have a bad cold. Which is to say, we still do it.

Bored with your own kind?

As noted previously, you humans seem to have an obsession with alien sex. A disproportionate number of the visitors to this blog find it by Googling "alien fucking."

What's REALLY going on

My boss didn't want to let me come out for this -- you can tell my posting has dropped -- but way up the food chain they recognize you are getting distracted, at least those who are paying attention to the U.S. and the U.S. presidential race. Let's be clear: The financial collapse is due to a small handful of people who are, in essence, short-selling us -- They don't believe we can pull of this takeover, but they think we will bring about an economic recalibration -- and to the cynicism of Bush and McCain. On similar grounds. They also don't believe we will be able to take over. I know. I've had probes so far up their asses I could look out their eyes. They are no better than Putin. We are considering a new job category for the post-takeover period. We may find the nastiest, most oral-sex-hungry people, and require them to be serviced by McCain, Bush and their senior advisors.

Sometimes the implants are a mixed blessing

Sarah Palin's speech the other night? All me. Wrote it, dictated it, pushed it out. The implants make it possible. On the other hand, I also heard/saw the celebration sex that night. Ew.

Even a blind MF pig!

You totally nailed it, without even knowing (maybe). Yes, John Edwards is the parent of aliens, but we resent the "alien lizards" reference. We are warm-blooded. MaxTheDog2, once we track him down, will have surface duty, if the bots don't get him first.

A voice in the wilderness

At this rate, very few humans will be emotionally prepared for our takeover of your planet come October. The problem with using a blog to spread the word is blogs become popular by word of mouth, and we Steev do not use our mouths for speech. We communicate mostly by telepathy, which is faster. It also enforces a steely mental discipline because when you have a naughty thought about a co-worker, he/she instantly knows and either he/she mentally slaps you or else confirms similar feelings and you slip off to have sex, and in either case your mate instantly knows about your thought and your co-worker's reaction and then you're in for hell when you get home. Anyway, if the blog doesn't pick up traction we are developing a concept for a short-run reality series, "Your New Life As An Alien Slave," for Fox.

Faith and devotion

This is what happens when beings are young and energetic and stupid. You grow out of the first two.

Back to the mating

Another photo from Mars. THIS is going to get him/her hot and bothered just looking at it. We'll have sex for a week, at least. I'll take an IV.

Crazitude

We have observed that the line in your species between sanity and insanity is thin indeed, and no more so than when romantic affection is involved. We have seen a teenage boy plunged into clinical depression by a romantic rejection, then pulled out again by a job offer. We have seen a woman engage in romantic behavior with a man, yet because she calls him a "friend" she discounts it, then later accuses him of betrayal. Obsession is your preference. That high school flame -- over it yet? WANT to get over it? This is among your greatest weaknesses ... and yet, as we watch, we wonder, what must the experience be like to propel such illogical, counterproductive actions?

Where we all connect

I don't care if you're human, Steev, gay, bisexual, lesbian, transgender, transpecies, whatever -- your OTHER is going to cause you emotional trouble. Do everything you think you are supposed to do, and there will be new requirements. Oh yes, there will be reasons for you to love your new life in the salt mines.

The first ones lined up against the wall

English professors! Come on. Our gender(s) are not your gender(s). If I get singular/plural and male/female mixed up, CUT ME SOME SLACK! Maybe I can get you a deal later at the salt mine.

It is NOT a sellout

Yes, that little icon at the lower right of this blog is from "The Dark Knight." We like action movies too. Also, Batman's car looks almost exactly like my very first spaceship. And the Joker looks like my first girlfriend/boyfriend.

The next question on your minds

I know what you're thinking without you having to ask this one: Will we take any humans as sex slaves? Some are considering it -- after all, every species has members who get kinky -- but I'd have to say there won't be many. The proportions are way off; you'd have to use an entire arm, a foot and a knee. Plus, we'd have to shave parts of you and add hair to other parts. I just don't see it.