It's called 'the brakes,' dipshit

OK, so here you can see what it looks like when a moron drives a spaceship into the atmosphere. If our angle had been any steeper, I wouldn't be writing this now. Thanks much to the Edmonton police for this visual evidence of why I will keep smacking a certain pilot on the forehead.

You'd be better off

C'mon. There seem to be two ways you guys find this blog. One is the rare person who is surfing the random tweets of everyone on Twitter. The other is someone Googling something about "alien sex," "fucking aliens" or, as happened this week, "sick alien sex." When we're sick, our sex is no better than your is when you have a bad cold. Which is to say, we still do it.

We almost feel sorry for her

We weren't trying to humiliate Blossom by chasing the Federation off, but it's you people who bombarded her blog with abuse. Show a little compassion, will you? She was sincere. She was ALMOST right. When we pick her up Oct. 26, we'll tell her the Federation really was coming but we wouldn't let them. Maybe we'll even broadcast it to everyone else too. Maybe she'll feel better.

Don't be disillusioned

Some humans seem disappointed that a giant ship from the Galactic Federation of Light did not appear in the Alabama skies yesterday, and isn't there now, to declare a great era of planetwide peace. There's a simple reason: We chased them off. They're peaceniks, they have no weapons, and that "security field" they brag about couldn't keep my grandmother out. We have dibs on the Earth, and we'll kick their asses (they do have multiple asses) if they come back.

Bored with your own kind?

As noted previously, you humans seem to have an obsession with alien sex. A disproportionate number of the visitors to this blog find it by Googling "alien fucking."

Who is this, and what has he done with David?

Now we have to go find David Brooks for probing. If he really made a solid argument that Sarah Palin is unqualified it means either that he is now a meth head or that there is an unregistered alien who has taken on his identity. The argument is completely correct, but it is unlike him to completely take on his party so boldly and thoroughly. My money is on the meth.