What's REALLY going on

My boss didn't want to let me come out for this -- you can tell my posting has dropped -- but way up the food chain they recognize you are getting distracted, at least those who are paying attention to the U.S. and the U.S. presidential race. Let's be clear: The financial collapse is due to a small handful of people who are, in essence, short-selling us -- They don't believe we can pull of this takeover, but they think we will bring about an economic recalibration -- and to the cynicism of Bush and McCain. On similar grounds. They also don't believe we will be able to take over. I know. I've had probes so far up their asses I could look out their eyes. They are no better than Putin. We are considering a new job category for the post-takeover period. We may find the nastiest, most oral-sex-hungry people, and require them to be serviced by McCain, Bush and their senior advisors.

If Putin's walking funny today ...

We picked up Vladimir Putin for probing last night. We wanted to know what he's thinking. Turns out it's that whole "Russian soul" thing with a little gambling instinct. He knows we have an Oct. 26 deadline. He just doesn't believe we can pull it off. He's betting we're like the Soviet Union -- vast and powerful, but corrupt and inept. He has been itching for many years to reassert Russia's power over its former dependencies, and Georgia gave him an excuse to start. He's undecided how far to push it, but he also knows that the United States is the only country willing to go to war to stop him, but the U.S. is completely pinned down with Iraq and Afghanistan. So, George W. Bush, here's the one thing we can guarantee: Whether we make our deadline or not, you have played a pivotal role in history by making possible the rise of a new Russian Empire. You must be so proud.

Monkey face

Do you even LOOK at the people you choose to be your leaders before you cast a vote? Do you just flip a coin? We'll keep this picture on a poster in the mines to remind you of the damage you do to yourselves.

'Your kind made a desert of it'

Perhaps years from now we may bring a few of you back to Earth to see what eventually became of the planet after the climate change you initiated finally petered out. It would be an interesting sociological/psychological experiment. We could bring Bush himself, assuming he survives the mega-probing that he has coming. You'll hardly recognize the place. You may even be grateful for the mines. But probably not.

Why the subterfuge

Been a while since we had a question. Here's one: Why have we infiltrated rather than simply conquered? Why wait? Good question, simple answer: This is cheaper. The size army needed to take over a whole planet and enslave more than 6 billion people is cost-prohibitive, so instead we disguise ourselves, infiltrate your power structure and degrade your ability to resist us when the time comes, focusing chiefly on the major military threats we might face. What might look like a series of poor decisions or strategic errors by your leaders actually is a plan. So far, it's working pretty well.