Even a blind MF pig!

You totally nailed it, without even knowing (maybe). Yes, John Edwards is the parent of aliens, but we resent the "alien lizards" reference. We are warm-blooded. MaxTheDog2, once we track him down, will have surface duty, if the bots don't get him first.

Better yet, bring a doctor's note

Your frailties are sometimes perplexing. Considering the value you place on laughing, one would think evolution would long ago have wiped out any tendency to collapse when you laugh or to suddenly fall asleep. Those of you who suffer from these conditions, please make a note: When the takeover comes, you MUST inform your processing officer of your condition. It could be critical. It won't get you an easier assignment in the mines, but we can place you where all of the digging is done manually rather than by heavy machinery. We would like to avoid mishaps, as blood congeals in some of the exposed mechanisms and impairs machinery function.

Red space herring

We'll clear this up fast: Barack Obama is familiar with this blog, and he knows full well that whatever he proposes for space exploration is a moot point. Promise NASA the moon, whatever, it won't matter. John McCain knows this too. Don't base any votes on whatever they say about NASA funding. (Trivia on what NASA really means: Non-Assisted Space Attempt. True.)

Confession time

Some of the recent jellyfish problem is a global-warming thing. We're also breeding them and releasing them. We think they're cute.

'Days off' - What a concept

One of the few things you may look on as a positive once you are in the mines is that we have the same work week you will have, which is every day of the week. As mentioned before, we have no vacations either. It is both amusing and annoying that what you call Saturdays, when most of you are not working, is our busiest day. We don't have seven-day weeks, but rewiring your infrastructure in preparation for Oct. 26 is easiest on the days when most of you are playing or getting drunk. So today has been an absolute female dog, as you say.

Even a broken clock II

Looks like they got us. I'm not saying which of those is us, but we're there. Nicely done. We didn't think you had it in you, but we'll find it. John Lenard Walson, you have a date with a dissection bot!

'Aliens! Fucking aliens!'

The American comedian Lewis Black has a bit in the current incarnation of his act that says either aliens are behind the iPhone or else it ought to be possible to create the technology to convert society to solar power. Actually both of those are true. If your leaders really wanted to, you could easily convert almost everything to solar power in a matter of perhaps 10 years. Unfortunately, you have less than three months left, and even if you could do it, what good would that do you in the mines?

8/3 UPDATE: Told you so.