Putin may be right

If you put money on Vladimir Putin's belief that we are going to fail to make our deadline, today is the kind of day to make me think I should join you. Tech problems out the wazoo. Someone suddenly looks out the window and says, "Hey, aren't we about to fly into the sun?" Only plus is it happened while far from Earth. If we had been close we would have hit the moon.

There are more difficult tasks

And you wonder how we'll just roll over you. If it gets tough, we'll break open a keg.

What's so hard to believe?

So John McCain says he didn't hear the question about the anti-Obama book that is filled with lies (we've checked: all lies). Let it go. He's 73 years old. OF COURSE he didn't hear the question and threw off a non-answer that ended up throwing gas on the fire. You people get pretty hard of hearing by the time you're 45, let alone 73.

This is how it always starts

Lucky for you that you have only until Oct. 26 because you've got some whacked-out English scientists playing Frankenstein to make a robot governed by a rat's brain cells. Since they're English, maybe they think the Doctor will ride in to rescue them if anything goes wrong. We've seen this sort of thing before, sometimes arriving at a world years after such technology was perfected -- and the only thing left running around was robots.

Another country heard from

Just what I need, another armed conflict on my desk to manage. Mindanao? Mindanao?! Yesterday I didn't know it existed, now I not only know where this little scrap of nothing in the Pacific is, I also know someone thinks it's worth fighting over, AND I have to keep track of everyone involved so we can scoop them up after Oct. 26. Still, could be worse. I could be the one who has pre-emptively been given responsibility for Ukraine. That one's going to be ugly. Don't even get me started on Poland.

If Putin's walking funny today ...

We picked up Vladimir Putin for probing last night. We wanted to know what he's thinking. Turns out it's that whole "Russian soul" thing with a little gambling instinct. He knows we have an Oct. 26 deadline. He just doesn't believe we can pull it off. He's betting we're like the Soviet Union -- vast and powerful, but corrupt and inept. He has been itching for many years to reassert Russia's power over its former dependencies, and Georgia gave him an excuse to start. He's undecided how far to push it, but he also knows that the United States is the only country willing to go to war to stop him, but the U.S. is completely pinned down with Iraq and Afghanistan. So, George W. Bush, here's the one thing we can guarantee: Whether we make our deadline or not, you have played a pivotal role in history by making possible the rise of a new Russian Empire. You must be so proud.

Why you don't pretend to give a robot a voice

This little crappy satellite image is nice enough, shows interesting geologic details, but in posting it and hailing it you never say why anyone should care. Don't treat your own people like fools. Just look at the photo! There are clear patterns of geologic movement. SAY IT! If you don't, you're assuming your readers are as nerdy as you are. (NASA, I'm looking at you.)