Liar liar, pants on fire

The reason Sarah Palin continues to repeat the "Bridge to Nowhere" lie that she always opposed it is simple: I'm using the implant to make her keep saying it. I'll let her go a couple hours before she is set to talk to Charlie Gibson. That should make it fun.

Why you don't pretend to give a robot a voice

This little crappy satellite image is nice enough, shows interesting geologic details, but in posting it and hailing it you never say why anyone should care. Don't treat your own people like fools. Just look at the photo! There are clear patterns of geologic movement. SAY IT! If you don't, you're assuming your readers are as nerdy as you are. (NASA, I'm looking at you.)

Workplace safety violation

We have a job opening. During testing of the equipment we will use Oct. 26 to take control of all of your facilities, a Steev I like to call a name that translates in English roughly to "Johnny Numb Nuts" hit the wrong button. Suddenly POOF! he creates and explosion that takes out the equipment, a not insignificant chunk of Canadian real estate and, luckily for our future operations, himself. It was nice of Toronto to evacuate the area and bar aircraft. Made it easy for us to sweep out our materials quickly.

Humans LIKE idiots

Some of you, especially in Europe but in big cities all over, get on a high horse about George Bush. You call him an idiot, and worse. We have studied him extensively (including probing). You are correct. However, idiot is as idiot does. He was elected. How stupid does that make everyone who voted for him? How stupid does it make Tony Blair, Gordon Brown, Angela Merkel, Silvio Berlusconi....? The list goes on. You like idiots, you vote for idiots, you just don't like the idiots the other idiots elect. You have less than four months to reconcile this in your minds. After that, you'll probably just recall pleasantly, pausing during your mining, the golden years before our arrival when you were ruled by wise leaders, who suddenly were taken from you as we herded you into the cargo ships.

Going to Saturn to reach the spaceport at Alpha Centauri

Once more on the LHC, which is being built in Switzerland, why is this being litigated in Hawaii? You people make no sense.

Not with a bang but a whimper

Believe me, if the CERN's Large Hadron Collider were actually capable of destroying the planet, we wouldn't be here, or we'd steal it; one day the scientists would arrive at work to find a giant hole in the ground. Please, don't get so worked up over the idea of mini black holes. You know what? There are mini black holes everywhere. Know why you don't get sucked in and destroyed? They are MINI! A dust speck that sucks in all matter within its gravitational pull has less gravitational pull than the flower it lands on. Do you people even read?