Workplace safety violation

We have a job opening. During testing of the equipment we will use Oct. 26 to take control of all of your facilities, a Steev I like to call a name that translates in English roughly to "Johnny Numb Nuts" hit the wrong button. Suddenly POOF! he creates and explosion that takes out the equipment, a not insignificant chunk of Canadian real estate and, luckily for our future operations, himself. It was nice of Toronto to evacuate the area and bar aircraft. Made it easy for us to sweep out our materials quickly.

Close call

I was set to rebut accusations that we might have been involved in the California earthquake, but then we found a small leak in the artificial gravity generator. If we had been in low orbit at the time, the San Andreas Fault might be an estuary today.

Funny story

One of the early expeditionary trips to this solar system had a mishap -- some would call it a DUI, but no one ever proved that. It happened to coincide with your Galileo probe passing by and snapping some photos. You guys called it a "volcanic plume." More like, "Drunk-off-his-ass Steev plunges his ship into an ice planet." That pilot has never lived it down. The photo shows up at almost every party.

Try opening your eyes next time, fly boy

Stinking Qantas pilot thinks that just because he's 29,000 feet up he doesn't have to look where he's going. Guess what? You're not alone up there! We can fly millions of miles without a scratch, then some drowsy prick in a jumbo jet dings the roof. He better hope we don't get his name.