My day's work

Got our full quota of Hillarites for the day. Scary bunch. Never, in any race, have we encountered a people as willing to distance political philosophy from personal loyalty.

Let the chaos ensue

Orbiting over Denver now. If we get enough Hillarites probed by the time the convention starts, I may live-blog tonight's events. I've got enough implant feeds set up that it will be like being in the room anyway. Speaking of anuses, what part of "you lost" do you people not understand? You will have a long, sad adjustment in the mines. Repeat this over and over, and maybe by Oct. 26 you'll get it: The winners make the rules. The winners make the rules. The winners make the rules.

Rocky Mountains-bound

Headed to Denver. We're going to pick up a few of the Hillary dead-enders for probing, the ones who say they are for Hillary because of the issues but they will vote for McCain rather than Obama. The brain circuitry on this may be interesting.

OBiden

I went a little nuts this morning in my Twitter feed about the Obama-Biden announcement. Sorry to my handful of followers. But dammit, our sleep cycle was synced last night with the East Coast of the U.S., and the goddam thing came out at 3:30. Yes, we watch such things. Gotta know who needs an implant -- Biden gets his tonight. You announce these things at that time of day/night? What. The. Intercourse. Whose genius idea was that? I'll shove a probe so far up that person's ass that I can modulate the settings in his/her open mouth. Please don't do that anymore.

Suck me, Technorati

Technorati ranks my blog 4,575,077. I've had worse.

Why would we bother arranging this, you might well ask. After all, in global terms Pakistan is a backwater -- no insult, P, just speaking from an intergalactic perspective -- and certainly not a threat to us, and when we're rounding people up we'll hardly worry about the guys in the caves. (They'll actually be worse off if we don't find them, so I'm kind of hoping we don't, because they're giant assholes.) But, over the next two months it sure would help to avoid as many wars and explosions as possible. So, we convinced Zardari to run. Wasn't easy. He (mercifully) doesn't remember it now, but it took one MAJOR case of probing. Even Cheney caved earlier, and that's one man -- believe you me -- used to having big shit up his ass.

They're scamming you

You know what the Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence really is? Galactic Napster. They don't tell you that. They tour the country, talk to children's groups, pretend they're doing serious science and haven't found what they're looking for. Don't fall for it. They found exactly what they were looking for -- our tunes, and they didn't pay for any. But they will. Oh yes, they will.