As your saying goes, 'Even a broken clock...'

Interesting story out of North Carolina. Interesting not because it's about a man who believes in UFOs. Obviously we do exist. It's interesting because he is clearly a complete nutjob, and yet there's this: In recent years, he said, he has heard many reports of UFOs drawing energy off of power lines and draining water out of reservoirs.

It's true. Drawing a little electricity helps lower the cost of running a spaceship, and we need water. After all, in a few months you won't need it anymore.

Incommunicative and distant

Computers -- you can't live with them, you can't shoot them in the head and leave them by the side of the road.

Go Google yourself

The humans who oversee this network say I should use my gmail account to log in, but when I try, the site says my gmail account doesn't exist. After I log in using a non-Google e-mail, I can then check my gmail. If you ever have an encounter in your life in which the other person executes his tasks with ruthless efficiency and flawless results, run away -- it's one of us. No human could ever do that.

Humans LIKE idiots

Some of you, especially in Europe but in big cities all over, get on a high horse about George Bush. You call him an idiot, and worse. We have studied him extensively (including probing). You are correct. However, idiot is as idiot does. He was elected. How stupid does that make everyone who voted for him? How stupid does it make Tony Blair, Gordon Brown, Angela Merkel, Silvio Berlusconi....? The list goes on. You like idiots, you vote for idiots, you just don't like the idiots the other idiots elect. You have less than four months to reconcile this in your minds. After that, you'll probably just recall pleasantly, pausing during your mining, the golden years before our arrival when you were ruled by wise leaders, who suddenly were taken from you as we herded you into the cargo ships.

Going to Saturn to reach the spaceport at Alpha Centauri

Once more on the LHC, which is being built in Switzerland, why is this being litigated in Hawaii? You people make no sense.

Structure of the universe

Speaking of the LHC, one of the things the hopeful, naive human scientists hope it will do is provide evidence of more dimensions, 10 or so, needed to "prove" string theory. Since we have less than four months until we begin rounding you up, let me save you some time: There are 13 dimensions. Exactly 13. Yes, it's an unlucky number. Explains a lot, doesn't it?

Not with a bang but a whimper

Believe me, if the CERN's Large Hadron Collider were actually capable of destroying the planet, we wouldn't be here, or we'd steal it; one day the scientists would arrive at work to find a giant hole in the ground. Please, don't get so worked up over the idea of mini black holes. You know what? There are mini black holes everywhere. Know why you don't get sucked in and destroyed? They are MINI! A dust speck that sucks in all matter within its gravitational pull has less gravitational pull than the flower it lands on. Do you people even read?